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Garage/Greenhouse The Kitchen (3/10/07)
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Harry Potter Doesn't Want to Die By Julie Davis (© 2007) |
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RENEE MONTAGNE, announcer on NPR’s Morning Edition: As anticipation for the release of the seventh and final book in J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series reaches a fever pitch, we at NPR have an incredible coup for our listeners – Harry Potter himself has asked to be interviewed on our program. Never before in history has a literary character sought out personal coverage in this way, but Mr. Potter’s agent assures us that he has a very important reason for taking this unusual step. Joining Susan Stamberg in the studio today is Mr. Harry Potter. SUSAN: Mr. Potter, why are you choosing to speak out now, just days from the release of the final book about you and your epic struggle against the evil Lord Voldemort? HARRY: I thought I was fine, resigned to learning my fate along with everyone else, but I suddenly realized that it is just totally unfair if SHE has killed me off, and I wanted to speak out about it. I mean, I don’t think she should have the power to do that to me. SUSAN: I assume that by “SHE” you mean JK Rowling – so I take it you dispute her right as the author to decide which characters will live and which will die? HARRY: Yes, I do. Hasn’t SHE killed off enough good characters already – my parents, Cedric, my godfather, Dumbledore – why can’t SHE just get rid of the bad guys in the last book, and give the rest of us a break? It’s not like we don’t deserve it – for most of the 2801 pages so far (UK editions, of course) we have been fighting Voldemort and the Death Eaters, protecting witches, wizards and Muggles alike, and SHE has been laughing all the way to the bank – if that didn’t build up some literary karma, I don’t know what does. SUSAN: In her own recent interviews, Ms. Rowling has hinted that the outcome will have sad consequences for you – aren’t you concerned that by campaigning to protect yourself, you might divert the harm to your friends who otherwise would have been unscathed? HARRY: I can’t be held responsible, SHE’s the one with the obsession for tragic counterpoint! Did George Lucas kill off Luke, Leia or Hans, no he did not, he went with tried and true themes of conflict, victory and redemption. And what is it with the pre-release “someone’s going to die” pronouncements – who does that? Did Shakespeare tell everyone in advance how many bodies he was going to pile up in Macbeth? Did Tolkien say, “Hey, everybody, Frodo is going to lose a body part?” |
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HARRY: Yeah, but what happened? He got a few more years with his buddies and then got to go with the elves to the Western Lands! I could live with something like that, I just don’t want to end it all as a teenager. SUSAN: There has been a suggestion that instead of dying, you might end up living but losing your magic, so that you would become a mere Muggle. HARRY: Well, that would suck. I mean, as a teen-age boy, I’ve given some thought to my first time with a girl, and I have to believe that being a wizard would help in that department. SUSAN: Oh, I don’t know, being “The Boy Who Lived” and “The Chosen One” probably has a lot of appeal. But, Harry, you aren’t telling us that you want to avoid confronting Lord Voldemort just so that you can save your own skin? HARRY: No, no – I want to fight and conquer him and all he stands for – although, to tell you the truth, this book series has been somewhat murky on his motivation, is he a psychopathic power-seeker or is this all acting out because of his sad childhood? Anyway, I want to do what heroes have done since time immemorial, fight, risk all, triumph and then, ride off into the sunset, preferably in the direction of EuroDisney. Is that so wrong? SUSAN: No, it is very understandable. But isn’t it also too late? The book is printed already, being shipped as we speak across the globe for the July 21 release date. HARRY: I know I have waited until the last minute, but I feel that whatever she has written, it is up to the readers to decide what it all means. Gandalf plunges to his death in The Fellowship of the Ring, but those readers who believed he was still alive were proved right in the end. Arthur Conan Doyle tried to kill off Sherlock Holmes, but the readers decided whether he lived or died, and they wanted him to live! It was the audience that used their power to give Tinker Bell life, and frankly, I can see why the author wanted her to buzz off, she was fairly annoying. SUSAN: What about Captain America? He was just murdered, and it seems like he is going to stay dead. HARRY: He lived a good long life, and come on, he is a comic book – excuse me, graphic novel – hero, he’ll be back. SUSAN: Does that work in reverse, can readers murder a character they don’t like? I can see this philosophy of shifting power from authors to readers wreaking havoc with plot resolution. HARRY: But don’t you see, it is a great way for authors to deal with literary criticism – if they don’t like some review, they can just ask their readers to improve the book! I have so many readers, I know they can keep me and my friends alive no matter what SHE tries to do to us – it is the most magical power that exists, much stronger than paper or celluloid. SUSAN: Speaking of celluloid, is Daniel Radcliffe, the actor who plays you in the movies, also rooting for your survival? HARRY: No, I called him and he won’t return my calls. He told Hermione that he wants to go on to “new projects” that will reveal his “other dimensions”. Give me a break -- like anyone would have thought he was an actor if he hadn’t looked good in a pair of round glasses? SUSAN: How do the other characters feel about your decision to speak out? HARRY: Snape told me to mention that he doesn’t want to turn out to be a good guy, he really likes the bad boy image he has going. Hermione really, really wants to go on and get a few SMUGs, Super Magical Ultra Graduate degrees, and Ron is nursing his dream of playing professional Quidditch, although he knows he’ll be lucky to make it onto a farm team in America. SUSAN: What will you do in the next two days, while you wait to find out what SHE has written in the last book, a book with the title “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?” Are you going to hedge your bets and eat your last meal, for example? HARRY: No, I will not show weakness in that way, although I will probably read “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” one more time before Saturday. SUSAN: Conversely, what will you do if you survive the Deathly Hallows? HARRY: Just hang out, check out the new iPhone, go to some clubs – it will just be nice for things to be, you know, unscripted. SUSAN: Harry, I can’t tell you how wonderful it was for us to have you here. Before you go, can you tell me why you chose NPR for this interview? You could have had your pick of the television talk shows or news broadcasts (as if there is a difference) – why NPR? HARRY: TV is cool, but I think radio is a better medium for me – I want my readers to know me the way they have imagined me. That is magical, too. SUSAN: From NPR and your many devoted readers, thank you, Harry. Renee, back to you. RENEE MONTAGNE: Thank you, Susan. This was a truly historic moment for NPR and the world, and it was a privilege for us to share…for us to…listeners, I am afraid we have had some kind of accident in the studio, I just heard an enormous crash, please hold on while we make sure that all is well…Susan, what is happening? SUSAN: Renee, it..it is horrible. As Harry was leaving he tripped over one of the cables and this huge arc of electricity slashed through the air…it seemed to sear his forehead, and he dropped to the ground and is just lying there, not moving… RENEE: Susan, please tell us that he is alive! SUSAN: I…I don’t think we can tell, right now. I think we are just going to have to wait … and see. THE END
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